Some times quality of life means quality in death, and that’s were Grandpa’s at. His medication was keeping him alive, but his life suffered to the point he began telling loved ones to look away so he could die with some dignity. We didn’t look away, and instead we decided it was time to take Grandpa off his medication and make him comfortable. It helped, and now he’s dying,

Grandpa wasn’t a great man, and he’d be the first person to tell you that. He reminded me all the time that he wasn’t a hero, and that he tried to be the best man he could. His life was saturated with imperfections and relationship fuck-ups, and yet he was always surrounded by friends and family.

The hero wears many masks, and Grandpa’s mask was his passion for the outdoors. It infected me, and eventually I turned my life around. After more college and a little luck, I landed a sweet job working in the Great Outdoors. Grandpa showed up to my graduation, and I think he was proud.

When I go to sleep at night, I’m going to remember Grandpa as he was in life. He wasn’t a hero to many, but he was a hero to me. A hero has a thousand faces, and I’m lucky Grandpa was one of them.

Lately I’ve been reflecting on a passage that Kurt Vonnegut wrote in Cat’s Cradle:

“If I were a younger man, I would write a history of human stupidity; and I would climb to the top of Mount McCabe and lie down on my back with my history for a pillow; and I would take from the ground some of the blue-white poison that makes statues of men; and I would make a statue of myself, lying on my back, grinning horribly, and thumbing my nose at You Know Who.”

Grandpa’s been thumbing his nose at God for some time now, and I’m glad he held out till the end. He deserves to die with dignity, and that’s the last gift we’re giving him. Life is harder than death, and the living need to look each other in the eyes, grab each other’s’ hands, and hold on tight. It’s going to get messy and loved ones are going to die, so let’s try to get through it with dignity and an ounce of humanity. You won’t regret it.